“My beloved put his hand By the latch of the door, And my heart yearned for him” (Song of Solomon 5:4)

My Lord knocked, but I didn’t immediately get up and open the door. I was already snug in my bed. I care for Him, but not enough to get out of bed, put on my robe and walk to the door.  I was sleepy and selfish, but when He put His hand by the latch of the door, I wanted Him desperately. But, what a fool! By the time I opened the door He was gone!

I blame myself. I’ve grieved Him, the lover of my soul. I’ve treated Him as an unfaithful wife treats her husband. Nothing can save me from my selfishness except His grace. I’ve divided my affection for Him with affection for the things of the world. He knows this, and He is rightly jealous.

Oh, my cruel sins, my cruel self. What can I do? Tears are a poor show of my repentance, my whole heart boils with indignation at myself. Wretch that I am, to treat my Lord, my All in All, my exceeding great joy, as though He were a stranger. Jesus, You forgive when all others would say “no more!”, but I don’t want this to happen again. Kiss away these tears, and purge my heart and bind me to You with cords that cannot be broken, never to wander, never to stray from Your side.

“Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the Word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish” (Ephesians 5:25–27).

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